In case I haven’t ben upfront with you all— my life is in flux right now. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t do flux.
My fiancé and I recently bought a house and things are just all sorts of crazy. Unpacked boxes, a few decorative projects going on simultaneously, countertops going unseen for days, clutter, clutter, & more clutter.
This is supposed to be my sanctuary, and I am struggling to unwind or find peace until it is settled.
Mama's stressed, y'all.
As I was recently lamenting to my own mama about all of the literal and metaphorical messes my life seems to be comprised of, I had the profoundly moving reminder that this is what it feels like to be consumed by a chronic illness.
Inescapable evidence that everywhere you turn you might hit a roadblock, a set back, a relapse.
And you can only control things within your grasp, if you’ve got a grasp at all.
I won’t close down the office for a week to create the uninterrupted time to move into my house, finish all of my domestic projects, and have a perfectly nested home. That doesn’t even sound all that fun to me because I seriously love what I do, and I’m not a very good interior decorator. To parallel this, you can’t just take a single weekend away from all your stressors and come back a fully healed person. You are a complex & beautiful thing that must be broken down and rebuilt brick by brick if you want to do it right.
I guess what I’m trying to convey with this whole post is that whether it’s a messy house that needs a little TLC to feel like a home, or a messy human that needs a little TLC to feel like a person— these things take time, and some of them will be absolute overhaul-type projects, and others will be small acts that add up in the long run. And as usual, it can be a team effort, so ask for help. And if you've got a teammate showing up for you, love 'em hard.